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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23509102">A Boy's Prayer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJFaller_Bathala/pseuds/JJFaller_Bathala'>JJFaller_Bathala</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A God that made Itself [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>? - Freeform, A God but not really a God Harry Potter, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Eventual Romance, Gen, Just the first chapter though, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Rebirth, of sorts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:28:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,234</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23509102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJFaller_Bathala/pseuds/JJFaller_Bathala</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes a sliver, a shade of its Soul (| For even Death has a soul |). Its creation, a part of it. (|A part of who He was before |).  Not vast and terrible, but entirely small and entirely human.</p><p>He flings it, to a world the soul does not know (| Not anymore |). To a time it sometimes feel. And there, a boy of twelve summers, who lays on the cold ground, in a death-like sleep – opens his eyes.</p><p>And time tears and births anew. Nathan Desiree leaves the building – unmindful of the screams (| Which he knows will last forever – through flesh and soul |) – with a beat and a skip.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Albus Dumbledore &amp; Harry Potter, Harry Potter &amp; Horace Slughorn, Harry Potter &amp; Original Character(s), Harry Potter &amp; Tom Riddle, Harry Potter &amp; Tom Riddle | Voldemort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A God that made Itself [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691542</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Boy's Prayer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nathan does not know for sure how long he has been like this. Does not know for sure how many men have taken him <em>(| how many animals </em>|). He remembers a sharp pain, and then nothing –</p><p>- but then he woke up. And he wishes he hadn’t at all.</p><p>The pain did not exist. He was grateful for that. He feels them sliding. Thrusting. Grunting. But he does not feel them. His body is numb. And his mind is tired – <em>so tired. </em></p><p>He cries and cries. He begs for help. No one listens. Not here – not in this place.</p><p>He was never strong. Never brave. And in the end, all he amounted to was a shameful urinal of depravity and degradation.</p><p>(| He remembers his sister – his mother and father. He imagines their horrified faces. And he does that know if that is better than <em>this</em> |).</p><p>He closes his eyes. Tears burning, face red.</p><p>He never imagined something like this. He never even knew this was possible between men.</p><p>His lips had remained untouched. His body unsullied. And now this.</p><p>
  <em>He wishes he were dead.</em>
</p><p>(| <em>… … … </em>|)</p><p>Nathan blinks. He hears a whisper. And he remembers a memory. His mind fills with comforting sweet nothings – for <em>what</em> exactly, he does not know.</p><p>He feels an embrace. At first he fears it is the <em>animals</em> – but no, it was not <em>them</em>. Not the cold and remorseless hands that dragged him in an abandoned building. Not the cold and callous fingers that pricked and took what they wanted.</p><p>This was warm. Not unlike the warmth of his father. Not unlike the warmth of his cat (|<em>and the memory of her sends him reeling – he had forgotten sweet Bruno, but remembers his death. His murderers </em>|).</p><p> It embraced him, caressed him. It comforted him.</p><p>
  <em>(| What… y-… Wi-… |)</em>
</p><p>He remembers this voice. This touch. In the loneliest, nethermost reaches of his life. He heard this voice. Warm and tender. Light and sunshine. He remembers it lifting him up. Guiding him through the pain of <em>existing</em>.</p><p>He remembers too how he had forgotten this voice. How one day he shut it out. And what <em>hell </em>followed.</p><p>Nathan cries for this voice. This wonderful, <em>marvelous</em> voice – that was always there. That never abandoned him though he had abandoned it. That comforts him though he had shunned it again and again.</p><p>He feels its hands on his cheek, stemming the tears. He feels its heart, beating softly and tenderly. He feels it breaking. He feels its love – so unconditional and bright.</p><p>
  <em>(| What do you wish for, my child? |)</em>
</p><p>Nathan opens his eyes. And he is no longer in the building. No longer accompanied by the grunts and jeers and slapping of skin.</p><p>There is a someone hugging him. Much younger than he. Slowly, he looks at them, looks at the source of <em>the voice</em> (| <em>For who else could it be</em> |).</p><p>He sees the scar on their face (|<em>Like lightning – like the heavens </em>|). And he sees the eyes. Green, and full of love – <em>and so so impossibly ancient</em>.</p><p>He feels his gift intruding, he attempts to yank it back. But he never had control over it. (| <em>he remembers the cruelty. The insults the pain </em>|). And he is afraid. For his tiny grip on sanity understands that this Entity’s mind was not someplace he ought to be.</p><p>The Entity smiles. And Nathan could no longer be afraid. For no one had ever smiled like that at him before (| <em>for he doubted anyone could bring about such love in a simple gaze </em>|).</p><p>Gently, he feels his gift receding, shying away from this magnificent creature – and he relaxes.</p><p>(| <em>What do you wish for, my child? </em>|)</p><p>It echoed again. In his mind. And he cannot stop crying. (| <em>For his wishes had never mattered before </em>|).</p><p>“I do not know”. Nathan answers honestly. Clinging to the embrace. Fearful it might vanish the moment he lets go. He fears annoying the entity, though he feels that he cannot even if he tries.</p><p>The Entity lifts a hand, and brushes the tears off his face.</p><p>
  <em>(| Then take all the time in the world to think it |)</em>
</p><p>Nathan startles. His eyes wide, he looks at him.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>The Entity gestures all around him. Nathan looks. And he sees. <em>He sees.</em></p><p>He sees the world.</p><p>He sees his future (| <em>and how horrifying it all was </em>|).</p><p>He sees his past (| <em>he feels pity and wretchedness, and wonders why he sees it at all</em> |).</p><p>He sees his failures (| <em>and the multitude of it would have broken him, were he human again</em> |).</p><p>And above all, he sees his answer (| <em>and unbidden, his mouth releases a sigh </em>|).</p><p>For a time he did not speak. For a time he wallows in self-despair <em>(| For the end had showed him the totality of his failures |)</em>.</p><p>But then he looks at the Entity <em>(| And though he saw everything, he did now know this Entity’s true name </em>|). He opens his mouth, and he gives his answer.</p><p>
  <em>(| … … … |)</em>
</p><p>The Entity looks at him. The warmth there, now laced with sorrow.</p><p>
  <em>(| The Future is not set in stone, my child. Not to those who have seen it. The future is yours to take now – yours to mold |)</em>
</p><p>Nathan shakes his head. For even now, as it felt like eons have passed by since he left, he is tired. He was never strong. Never brave. But for once, he feels that he can do the right thing.</p><p>“Will you grant it to me, Master of Death?”</p><p>The Entity looks at him. Caresses him. Embraces him. And after a moment that stretched like eternity, the Entity nods.</p><p>There is no more heartache. No more pain. Nathan smiles and slowly fades away (| <em>And goes to a World where there is no more pain, only rest </em>|).</p><p>But before he completely fades away, he says -</p><p>
  <em>- “Thank you” – </em>
</p><p>Then he is gone.</p><p>Time churns and moves. The Entity waits; contemplating; seeing; <em>making</em>. It mourns for a boy. A weak, pitiful boy. Born of beauty and riches and a willful nature, but did not accompany strength – he was bound for suffering the minute he was born.</p><p>The Entity remembers the child, how his will diminished bit by bit by forces he could fight but chose not to. And now, the consequences laid bare, Nathan was  no champion nor villain, but a soul in his realm.</p><p>At last, Death smiles, and the Universe shudders. At once his true form shows. <em>Indescribably vast and impossibly unknowable. </em></p><p>It takes a sliver, a shade of its Soul (| <em>For unto Death is a soul </em>|). Its creation, a part of it. (|<em>A part of who He was before</em> |).  Not vast and terrible, but entirely <em>small</em> and entirely <em>human.</em></p><p>He flings it, to a world the soul does not know (| <em>Not anymore </em>|). To a time it sometimes feel. And there, a boy of twelve summers, who lays on the cold ground, in a death-like sleep – opens his eyes.</p><p>And time tears and births anew. Nathan Desiree leaves the building – unmindful of the screams (| <em>Which he knows will last forever – through flesh and soul </em>|) – with a beat and a skip.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this is sort of a continuation of a story I've been meaning to write but actually have not written, though I have its ending already defined. This story is what happens next. </p><p>I appreciate all kinds of comments and suggestions. Just not the bad kind. I will cry. </p><p>But anyways, Harry here is a sliver of a god's soul. Made human to fulfill a beaten down child's wish. And he will attempt to do it, there is no grand struggle here (The grand struggle was becoming a god, but this isn't that story). So if you're looking for that, this isn't it. </p><p>Nathan is supposed to be partly based on Nathan Ciro, by Child_OTKW's 'you belong to me (i belong to you)'. And btw, you should read their works, they can write darkness so well. But I digress, so I wrote them an email, asking if I could do it, but they haven't answered, so I'm breaking that characterization now and just making my own. (Though I'd be lying if it isn't partly influenced by it). </p><p>As you can see GodHarryButNotEntirelyGodHarry  loves Nathan like a son, I hope to elucidate why in the coming chapters.</p><p>Anyways, if you read through my ramblings, a sincere thanks! I hope you enjoy the story, and tell me if you don't.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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